Why Women Struggle to Find their Voice & Power

What does it mean to struggle to find your voice?

Perhaps you know exactly what I mean. But just to be sure, here are some of the ways in which not finding your voice can show up:

You have difficulty expressing your opinions and points of view, especially when they are in opposition to somebody else’s, and even more so if the person in question is someone you respect.

You have a really hard time initiating difficult conversations where you need to express that something isn’t working for you, or when you might need to give feedback, or confront someone about their behavior.

You struggle to assert your boundaries in any area of your life. It could be your marriage, it could be at work, it could be in your relationship with your mother or your kids.

Why do women struggle to find their voice and power?

As I sat with this question, I found myself searching for a structure to help me explore this. And because I just hosted meditation group Monday night –and we talked about the solar plexus chakra as the center of our power, I naturally looked at the question through the lens of the seven chakras.

Before we begin with the chakra view however, the first natural answer is that women struggle to find their voice and power for some pretty standard, universal reasons:

1. Family programming. The family message is: this is how women behave in this family; this is who you need to be in this family.
2. Childhood and ancestral trauma. The survival strategy is: it’s not safe to speak; you keep yourself safe by being good, agreeable and fawning.
3. Collective imprints. The collective feminine knows: powerful women are burnt at the stake; they’re unlikeable, condemnable, and banished.

That pretty much is it. Every single challenge with our voice and power can be found in one or all three of those places. We could leave this blog post at that. 

But I want to go into a place that is more actionable. 

Let’s look at the challenges with finding your power and voice through each chakra, so you can explore what might be the themes that are most active for you. 

(Note: I am connecting power and voice because you can’t connect with your voice if you’re not fully connected with your power. Well, you can try and use your voice, but unless it’s rooted in your power, what will come out will be whiny, complain-y, or simply your wounded story. It will potentially carry the energy of asking to be saved. You don’t want that. That’s not the sovereign woman way.)

#1 Root chakra core communication problem: I’m not worthy

The root chakra is our connection to the earth. It’s our sense of place and belonging. When our root chakra is strong, we can groundedly say, I belong here. I am worthy of the space I occupy.

How to spot that it’s unworthiness that undermines your speaking up?

You hesitate to express your needs and preferences. You feel selfish when you take up space or speak about those needs. You might also doubt whether it’s your place to speak, and you second-guess whether your opinion might be valid.

When your root chakra is overactive, on the other hand: you sound arrogant; interrupt people; speak like your opinions matter more than others; take up more space than is yours to take. 

#2 Sacral chakra core communication problem: I am not deserving

The sacral chakra is our connection to the creative impulse through all of life. Through it, we experience the richness of life, pleasure, and the abundance of creation on this planet. In this way, it governs deep nourishment through all of our senses. When our sacral is strong, we can affirm, I take pleasure in the richness of all creation. I deserve wonderful experiences.

When your challenges with speaking arise from sacral imbalance, you might be constantly seeking approval and validation. You possibly care so much about what others think that you may only speak an opinion if you know the other person will agree. You might also live in a constant place of believing that unless you’re perfect, you don’t have a right to ask for anything in your relationships. 

Conversely, with an overpowered sacral: you delight in juicy gossip; you preach at people like everyone should be so interested in your opinions; you invade other people’s experience with your voice.

#3 Solar plexus chakra core communication problem: I’m too scared

The solar plexus chakra is our power center. This is what I call the warrior center where we hold the seat of our power to process, engage with, and have an impact upon life. When our solar plexus chakra is strong, we can confidently say, I am strong and powerful. I am effective.

A weak or underpowered solar plexus chakra’s effects on communication: you likely have issues with self-assertion and may see other people’s assertiveness as aggressive. You second-guess yourself and generally feel insecure about speaking. You flat out may feel scared to say what you’re thinking.

Overpowered solar plexus: you may speak aggressively using attacking words; you might speak loudly and project your voice even when not necessary; or sound cocky and overly confident.

#4 Heart chakra core communication problem: I need to be nice

The heart chakra is the center of love and compassion. This is the lover center. In our heart chakra we are able to feel love and kindness towards all of creation, including ourselves. When your heart chakra is strong and open, you can sweetly state, I love life and I love myself. I see everyone (and myself) with compassion.

How the heart chakra affects communication when out of balance: you might feel guilty for speaking your needs or opinions. You might even think it’s mean to be direct and assertive. You may have difficulty distinguishing between niceness and true kindness, so you try to not ruffle people’s feathers when you speak, rather than speak your truth.

Overpowered heart chakra: you sweet talk people; you say what they want to hear; you (consciously or unconsciously) manipulate others with the way you express your “love.”

#5 Throat chakra core communication problem: They just don’t hear me

The throat chakra is the center of communication and using your voice to speak your truth into creation. When your throat chakra is open and balanced, your communication is crisp and clear, and you can articulate, I speak my truth with clarity. My voice matters.

When your throat chakra is blocked, out of balance or constricted, you might have challenges with your voice itself. You might be difficult to hear, mumble, sound mousy, or garbled. When you speak, perhaps you ramble or speak in loops, and generally might feel that people just don’t listen to you. You might also speak in apologetic tones.

Overpowered throat chakra: you yell and become argumentative; you sound snappy instead of clear; you’re not a good listener.

#6 Third eye chakra core communication problem: Lacking clarity

The third eye chakra is the center of understanding, deep knowing, and intuition. It governs our ability to see and understand things clearly. When our third-eye chakra is open and balanced, we are able to say, I understand. I know… (**and there are no distortions in our perception) 

How an underactive or blocked third eye can affect communication: you may have difficulty producing clear ideas to communicate concisely. You might have trouble articulating a crisp, clear message. You may feel confused.

On the other hand, when this chakra is overpowered, you feel and express yourself with great certainty about ideas that may not be correct or valid (this is the space where delusions can begin); your thoughts and opinions may verge into the judgmental because you believe you are correct.

#7 Crown chakra communication: What’s the use?

The crown chakra is the center of our connection with all of creation. It’s what some people experience as a connection with God, a greater intelligence, and a sense of faith. When our crown chakra is open and balanced, we have a deep knowing that speaks, I am one with all that is. 

Challenges with the crown chakra strike me as being less directly connected with our communication than the other six. This is mostly because the crown is really about communing and connecting with a spiritual self, so it typically will be less involved in communication with other people. 

That said, a closed crown chakra typically manifests in feeling cut off from the universe and lacking an overall sense of purpose. Communication issues that might arise from this could be a feeling of futility about speaking at all. Whereas an overactive crown chakra can be associated with spiritual addiction, dogmatic thinking, and being disconnected from reality. This can translate into rigidity and lack of practicality of communication as it relates to religion, spirituality, and dealing with everyday life.

So what do you do about it?

Much like the invitation in last week’s post: you bring loving attention to these parts of yourself. 

The manifestation of whatever challenge you have –with regards to speaking up– points to a part of you that is struggling with some deeper needs and feelings… As you read above. 

You could try to override that part of you and just force yourself to speak. You can download all sorts of quick tips for sounding confident, or ask ChatGPT how to speak up. But you probably already know that many of those tips and strategies will still miss the mark.

Instead, you need to turn towards the part that carries these deeper wounds, insecurities, fears and doubts. Get curious about their origin.  

What happened to a much younger version of me that made this part arise?

What does this part of me need?

What is this part trying to achieve?

Can you be the one to bring it the love, compassion and tending that meets those needs?

You tend to the part that doesn’t feel worthy or belonging. You bring love to the part that doesn’t feel deserving of being heard. You hold the part that doesn’t feel confident with compassion. You comfort and nourish the part that cares for everyone else except herself. You listen to the part that never feels heard. You support the part that is confused. You connect and help ground the part that feels disconnected and alone.

What do you think? Is there a particular chakra challenge that resonates with you? 

Of course this might be a vulnerable question, but if you’d like to correspond with me about it, feel free to send a message.