As some of you know, I’m in the final countdown to my wedding this weekend. Family and friends from abroad are starting to arrive and I’m quite excited to have them all here.
It’s a bit surreal to be getting married. You see, it’s been a long journey to get here. The journey has required a lot of self-exploration and healing of my heart.
I’m going to get super personal with you here.
And there’s a purpose for it… so bear with my self-disclosure for a minute ;)
You see, there was a time in my life when I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t have the relationship I wanted. I had lots of boyfriends and relationships long and short; but it never materialized into the deeply committed relationship I longed for.
At times I felt doomed to be single and had a hard time imagining that this day would ever come.
I can tell you there were lots of tears through the years. And there were even the people who I thought were “Mr. Right” who didn’t seem to agree with me.
And because I do the work I do, I take myself through my own processes whenever I need to. I would ask myself questions such as...
What exactly am I feeling?
What voices (thoughts) can I hear behind the feelings?
Deep down I think maybe I’m unlovable; maybe nobody will ever be there...
What stories am I telling myself?
It’s hard to find the right person. Everything in my experience proves that it’s hard...
What am I believing is true about this? I’m alone...
And importantly, where did this REALLY originate? Another way to ask this question is:
“When was the first time I felt this way?”
I started feeling this way when I was 3 or 4 years old when my parents split up…
I learned about myself that my patterns in relationship had less to do with the other person and everything to do with me! I was attracting the same situation over and over.
Have you ever noticed that happening in your life?
As I became increasingly aware of the repeating pattern, I went about clearing the old wounds, hurts and beliefs that kept me stuck recreating that story. I healed my sense of abandonment and my deeply rooted belief that maybe I wasn’t worthy of loving just as I was.
As soon as I cleared and healed all of that, I found myself living one of the funnest dating periods of my life. :) As the old 70’s song goes, I felt like “it [was] raining men!” Ha ha… I found myself surrounded by a few different men, all of whom were truly wonderful. One of them was Justin, my fiancé.
Why am I telling you this story?
Because we all carry wounds, stories and beliefs that covertly keep bringing us situations we don’t want. They undermine our true desires.
And when events from the past have hurt you deeply, they can have a profound effect, even if you don’t want them to.
But all of that can change.
You can release old patterns. You can create the new stories that you’ve been dreaming of.
I released my pattern of attracting men who were not ready, willing or interested in committing to me. I released the pattern of finding myself in the situation of wanting a relationship that was simply not materializing. I released the pattern of trying so hard to make it work.
I found the source of love in me that enabled me to BE the woman for whom men show up wanting to create a life together. I AM the woman now who is involved in a deeply committed, deeply nourishing relationship.
And my biggest dream: I am in a relationship where we are both committed to our personal growth and to our growth together as a couple.
WHAT ARE YOUR DREAMS THAT SEEM TO ESCAPE YOUR FINGERTIPS?
What are the patterns that keep repeating from old stories and old wounds?
Where has your heart been hurt that it’s still not quite recovered from?
Let’s take care of it.
I want to share with you that we’ve just set the date for our next Mending the Heart retreat. I’ll certainly be sharing more information about it in the weeks ahead, but I wanted to get this note out to you ASAP. A few of you wanted to join us in April but weren’t able to.
You can see that it’s quite apropos that I’m telling you about this retreat on the week leading up to my wedding.
I’m here because I healed my heart. I’m here because I wouldn’t settle for staying in that pattern. I’m here because I knew I had to heal the old stories.
The joy I feel today I want for everyone, including you.
So at the very least, I want you to do this: ask yourself the questions I listed above. See what you discover.
Let me know if the retreat speaks to you, or if you have questions about it. I’ll be on my honeymoon for the next 2 weeks but
if you send me a message, either my assistants or I will get back to you as soon as possible to set up a time to chat.
I wish for everyone to experience the kind of joy that happens when we heal the wounds of the heart.
I send you much love, Morella. My heart is exploding with joy this week and so I send you showers of it.