Fighting vs. Settling + A 3rd Option for Thriving

What if trying to fix something is just keeping you stuck in the thing you don’t want?

Today I present to you that your valiant effort to fight something actually works against you.

Let’s start with a check-in.

Here's a mini quiz.

In your relationships:

  1. Do you work hard to get what you want in your relationship?

  2. Or do you compromise because it’s never going to be quite what you want so you “meet each other half-way”?

In your health:

  1. Are you fighting your ______ (insert health issues/thing you don’t like about your health)?   (i.e. weight, high cholesterol, arthritis, cancer…)

  2. Or are you surrendering to the “aging” process and the health issues that “run in the family”?

In your finances:

  1. Do you find yourself quietly lamenting that your finances don’t seem to change no matter how hard you try?

  2. Or are you settling for the reality that is your money picture?

In politics:

  1. Are you pointing out --in conversation or social media-- all of the absurd things the other side is doing?

  2. Or are you resigned to let things run their course and then see?

If you take a close look, you’re very likely taking one of these two positions in every area of your life. The more it matters, the more we tend to fight. The less it matters, or the less we feel we can change it, the more we tend to settle.

What if neither one of these is helpful?  

Today I'll tackle why a fix-it approach can keep you stuck. Next week, I'll tackle why "putting up with" is not helpful either. And then I'll present to you a 3rd option.

What if fighting tooth-and-nail doesn't actually help to get you what you want?


I can imagine some of you may say, “but Morella, I have Cancer! I HAVE to fight this!”

Or perhaps, “My relationship is not working and it’s very important to me that I make it work!”

Or, "My finances are a mess, I need to fix this!"

Bear with me.


(..or what I call the "fix it" approach)

The fight. The struggle. The opposition attitude.

We fight the war on terror, drugs, cancer, Parkinson's, you name it! We see fighting as a courageous, honorable thing and a sign of someone with high self esteem. “I fought for my raise.” “I stand up to my partner.” "I'm going to dig myself out of here."

What in your life are you trying to fix?

Here’s the rub…

Quite literally, what we resist, persists.  

The more we hold an oppositional energy towards the things we want to change, the more we activate our subconscious belief that it is HARD to change them.

Tug-o-war with the mighty Sandy!

Your own fighting energy becomes the fuel for the resistance against your progress!

Ever played tug-o-war with a dog?

What happens when you pull? What happens when you stop pulling?  Exactly. Try winning tug-o-war with a Pitbull.

What is the thing you’re trying to fix in your life?

Know that your internal resistance is the greatest force against you.

The solution is not about giving up, putting-up-with or tolerating. This is not helpful either and we'll talk about it next week. I'll also share with you what is a third avenue.

In the meantime, start thinking about the metaphor of tug-o-war in your life.

What would it look like if you stopped pulling or pushing? What would happen? What are you afraid might happen?

* * * HOW I HELP ***

I help people in physical or spiritual pain who refuse to accept that this is as good as it gets. We remove the hidden obstacles so they can be delighted by their lives again.

Got a health issue that won’t budge?  

Are you repeating patterns from the past, or carrying a past hurt you want to let go of?

I'm happy to do a complimentary session with you so we can talk about how I can help: