What if both fighting and settling just keep you in the thing you actually don’t want?
Last week we talked about how the energy of fighting/fixing helps to keep you feeling stuck. Essentially, the more we hold the energy of opposition to something, the more we fuel our subconscious belief that this is something that is hard to change. We therefore become our own opposing force! We are both the warrior AND the dragon we’re trying to slay!
This week I want to explore why the opposite, settling or tolerating, isn’t helpful either.
If you didn’t check out last week’s mini-quiz, I’d love for you to take a look at it. It may help you identify areas in your life where you take on a fix-it approach, and areas where you may compromise, settle or tolerate.
PART II: Toleration
(... also known as putting-up-with, settling or resigning)
Because we live in the world of duality, we see everything as opposites. In this case, one side of the coin of resistance is the energy of fighting or fixing, and on the other side is the energy of resigning ourselves or tolerating.
Think of the problems in your life, when things aren’t what you want, if you’re not trying to fix them, you’re more often than not settling or tolerating their presence in your life.
A lot of times mere fatigue gives way to resignation. You get tired of fighting (with your mate, your health issue, your financial insufficiency...) so you give up. You settle.
Do a quick check-in to see what in your life are you are currently tolerating or resigning yourself to?
Toleration is simply putting up with the things you dislike. The trouble with tolerating is that it activates not only resentment and unhappiness (because you are not happy with what is) but it also boosts your sense of powerlessness (because you don’t believe there’s anything you can do.)
The more you tolerate the things that you’re not at peace with, the more you resent them and the more victimized you feel.
So if neither fighting nor settling lead to the peace we want, then what’s the solution?
The solution is to exit this polarity completely. We don’t have to chose between fiercely fighting nor quietly resigning ourselves.
There’s a third option. I’ll share with you more on my personal experience with this third option next week, but here’s a bit of a segway for you to reflect on this week:
Look at the things you may be tolerating or settling for in your life:
Your health/body: what is not to your liking?
Your relationships: what is not to your liking?
Your finances: what is not to your liking?
Your career: what is not to your liking?
Your home: what is not to your liking?
World politics: what is not to your liking?
Now for each one of these, check whether you’re fighting/fixing or resigning yourself while still unhappy about it.
Now the key question to meditate on is this:
Instead of fighting or settling, how can you THANK this thing for being exactly as it is in your life right now?
Not just put up with it. Not just tolerate it… but thank it! I know it’s not easy. This can be a stretch, especially if you’re dealing with something really tough that goes against everything you want. But we’ll talk about it more next week.
Thanking is a way in which we can begin to shift out of the duality of fixing--tolerating that essentially keeps us in resistance and unhappiness.
More next week.
***HOW I HELP ***
I help people in physical or spiritual pain who refuse to accept that this is as good as it gets. We remove the hidden obstacles so they can be delighted by their lives again.
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